Trump Tackles Sugar
Today it is time for the second part of our discussion on SPAM’s Apprentice Poetry Anthology - but this time it is about a strange little poem titled: “Trump Tackles Sugar”.
I was lucky enough to have two poems featured in SPAM’s Apprentice Poetry Anthology! Yes you heard that correct, two! Like last week's discussion on the poem: “Prerequisites”, I also specifically started writing this other poem with the intention of it being for SPAM’s themed anthology.
The idea was originally for it to be a short story, about a near future, disgraced Donald Trump, who time travels onto an old set of the UK Apprentice. He causes large amounts of envious havoc, and death. Then there is another similar deathly scene, which instead takes place within the present future.
I wrote the outline for the story in my notes, with a few of the important scenes and quotes for the story. Then I decided that the half-baked notes were actually pretty funny in themselves. So I sent them to SPAM. In their entirety. Unedited and all. The story was never finished, but in a sense, it had evolved.
After all, the submission was supposed to be a poem, and I was essentially planning to write out a short story. I think that SPAM is perhaps one of the only places that would ever accept such a lazily sprung, meta poem narrative. I say that of course with a lot of peace and love though. The people at SPAM are risk takers and innovators in the poetry game, and I like to think that I’ve learnt from my colleagues to do the same.
The motivation for the poem itself is once again about the corruption of power and greed, this time specifically through the character of Trump. He is upset and angry that he was perceived negatively by the world after a better president came along, and another celebrity president, just to rub it in even more. So in true Trump fashion he decides to throw all of his toys out of the pram when he does not get his way, and acts selfishly, with callous disregard for human life. Even ending up killing young hopefuls who were working for a better future, thus once again (as he did in the real world) he forcefully enacts transgression, as one would expect from a man with no real values other than those that satisfy self-interest.
There isn’t much more to say about the poem, other than that I got a few of my predictions for the future wrong - Trump didn’t serve a second term, Ye (formerly known as Kanye West) didn’t end up permanently changing his name to “Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West”, neither did he get elected as the president of the United States (yet), and he seemingly brought more divide and drama than unity unfortunately. Also Elon Musk kinda went down the deep end, and into billionaire meme-star, corrupt, conspiracy theorist territory.
Sooo… Yeah...
Anyway, with all of that being said, there is one passage that I think withstood the test of time in the poem, and it is Donald Trump’s witty line to Alan Sugar.
I hope you enjoy it.
Also remember to check out SPAM at spamzine.co.uk
Trump Tackles Sugar
It is the future… Maybe 2028.
Donald Trump is lame and forgotten after serving his second term, and is now (during his 6 hour morning TV viewing sessions, the last person alive still watching television btw) having to watch a much more successful president in “Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West” serving his second term as he reinvigorates true American, christian values and brings about global peace and prosperity, the likes of which we’ve never seen.
Anyway, Trump time travels into the UK Apprentice 2010, appearing in the London bakery, just as Alan Sugar is about to introduce the next challenge for episode 3 - involving the production of baked goods.
“Well now this is sweet, even for you Alan!”
Then Donald pounces across the set, overpowering Alan Sugar, forcing his head into an industrial sized oven as he screams for mercy, offering him money.
Either that idea or sticking with the future theme - The Apprentice UK is attempting to distance itself from trump and the original model of the show, as trump was a violent, violent criminal during his second term as president - so now in the year 2028 the show's contestants are all young innovators and entrepreneurs, given a platform to promote their world-saving ideas.
Trumpy boy once again portals onto the set and starts mercilessly shooting the upcoming inventors, among them the next Elon Musk level Egyptian boy, a bright young woman with the means to clean the entire Earth’s oceans, and a trans male philosopher, with a book that is described as the modern bible.
